How to Nurture Your Nerves: The Final Step in Conquering Anxiety

Part 4 of my series on how to CRUSH YOUR NERVES

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Hello, and welcome back to the final installment of my series on How to Crush Your Nerves in Four Simple Steps! I’m Adria Tennor—an actor, writer, filmmaker, and coach—and I specialize in helping actors, execs, and entrepreneurs just like you achieve dream careers by up-leveling your confidence, finding your authentic voice, and forging genuine connections with your chosen audience.

In the previous parts of this series, we covered how to make friends with your nerves, how to put them to work for you, and how to outsmart them to regain control….

Now, we’ve arrived at the fourth and final step: nurturing your nerves and taking care of them.

The Importance of Nurturing Your Nerves

This last technique was a significant breakthrough in my journey to conquer my nerves. It emerged after years of studying with various teachers and exploring numerous modalities to shift my nervousness.

I vividly recall a moment before an audition in Los Angeles. As I climbed the marble stairs, panic began to set in. Thoughts flooded my mind: “What if I mess up? What if I’m really a fraud? What if I didn’t prepare enough? What if I’m really a terrible, no good, very bad, untalented actor?” All the bad things…

Despite years of preparation and consistent work, I found myself grappling with the old, familiar narrative that I was somehow unworthy.  I thought I had gotten over this! I was doing well. I was working consistently and on really cool projects, but here I was freaking out on the stairs before an audition yet again. 

I was tired of these feelings, especially after having done so much work on myself to overcome them.

But that day, something clicked. I paused halfway up the stairs and made a conscious decision: Today is going to be different.Today I’m going to do something different.  I’m not only going to confront this terror inside me, but I’m going to dismantle it  – for good.

I took a moment and looked inward and connected with that fearful part of myself and found—a terrified little girl. And for the first time, I truly acknowledged her presence.

Acknowledging Your Fear

I recognized this scared part of me and realized that my attempts to smother her were only fueling my anxiety. I wanted to abandon this part of myself because she made me uncomfortable. Yet, she is a vital aspect of who I am. Just like you wouldn’t want to chop off your left arm, abandoning this part of myself just can’t happen. It’s not an option.

So, instead, I decided to treat her with compassion. In my mind, I took her hand, looked into her eyes, and reassured her: “I love you. I will never leave you behind. You’re welcome to come to the audition with me.” I understood that she was a unique and special part of me, and her presence would only enhance my performance. After all, audiences crave authenticity and realness—they want to see something true and unexpected.

This approach may sound unconventional, but it was transformative. Recognizing and nurturing this fearful aspect of ourselves is crucial for true presence and connection with others.

Embracing Your Humanity

It's important to remember that there are no bad parts of yourself. Every aspect of who you are holds value, and feeling nervous or scared is part of the human experience. Instead of berating yourself for these feelings, embrace them. Your acknowledgment of your own humanity can put your audience at ease and foster a powerful connection.

Surprisingly, leaning into your nerves can create a sense of authenticity. Think of it this way: when your car skids on ice, you’re advised to turn into the skid rather than away from it. This concept applies to nerves as well.

Many great actors, such as Philip Seymour Hoffman, Cate Blanchet, and Robert Downey Jr., exemplify this mastery of embracing their shadow selves. By leaning into their discomfort, they become more engaging and present—qualities that are essential for captivating an audience.

Below is a guided meditation to allow you to experiment with this concept.

In this exercise, you'll learn to connect with your nervousness by visualizing it as a separate part of yourself. We’ll guide you to recall a recent moment of nervousness and allow that feeling to take shape in front of you, almost like meeting your nervous self. From there, you’ll take this nervous part by the hand, offering comfort and empathy, as you walk through the steps of your presentation or audition. Together, you'll transform that nervous energy into a positive force that fuels and steadies you. By the end of the exercise, you’ll be ready to step into your performance with calm, strength, and even a sense of fun.

Closing Thoughts

As we wrap up this series, I encourage you to take a moment to nurture your nerves. Acknowledge them as part of you, and allow them to be present. This practice can enhance your authenticity, helping you connect more deeply with your audience and elevate your performances.

If you found this series helpful, I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Don’t forget to subscribe for more insights!

If you're interested in a deeper exploration of this material, I offer a free e-book linked below. For personalized support in tackling your nerves or refining your presentations, consider scheduling a free strategy session with me. Let’s work together to empower you on your journey—whether you’re an actor, executive, or entrepreneur.

Thank you for joining me in this series!